


i knew you once

by celestialfics



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:10:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9415511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialfics/pseuds/celestialfics
Summary: Gon calls Killua in the night.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ahh hello! i wanted to try my hand at killugon, since it's really such a good, strong, and deep relationship, and since the ending is just so......unsatisfying........
> 
> i hope you enjoy this! i look forward to writing more in the future <3

~

 _i knew you once_  
_and it was nice_  
_i knew your brain and your heart_  
_all your insides_  
  
[i knew you once](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huCSle_6Nyg), dodie clark

~

 

Occasional emails aren’t quite the same as being prepared to die together.

Killua thinks about this a lot—more often than he would care to admit. He thinks he’s known this since he turned away from Gon at the World Tree, since the last time he smiled widely at Gon only to turn on his heel as though he were crushing his very heart into the ground.

Time grows between them like distance, as if every second that ticks by since they’ve last seen each other adds another hundred meters. There _should_ be a way to bridge the distance, to unwind the time, but Gon surely would’ve already done so if he wanted to. Gon always finds a way, no matter how nontraditional or offbeat. (Though Killua can think of a very traditional way to patch this up, and it’s just _asking_. And yet, he can’t bring himself to do so.)

 _Like Kite said_ , Killua reminds himself, rubbing at his eye with the hand that’s not holding onto Alluka’s as she sleeps. _No matter where we go, we’ll always be friends_. It’s some assurance if nothing else, anyway. He just tries not to think about the fact that _friends_ doesn’t quite equate to _partners_ , to _other halves_ , to all the _deeper_ things that Killua and Gon had once been.

The ceiling is shaded black as Killua stares up at it, and he squints as if that’ll help him see something—some sort of hint or clue of how to handle this—carved into the plaster. But it’s useless, anyway. There’s nothing there.

He closes his eyes, and he etches a mental replica of the picture Gon had emailed him last week against the backs of his eyelids. Gon captioned the picture of a white-petaled stargazer lily: “ _Reminded me of you_ ”, and Killua had been quick to type back “ _I’m not a flower, stupid_ ”, mostly as a ruse to hint nothing of the blood that had rushed to his face.

It _is_ a pretty flower, though. The fact that something like that could remind Gon of Killua leaves an imprint on Killua that he knows he won’t be able to get rid of for a long while.

He sighs into the stagnant air of his and Alluka’s hotel room, imagining that his breath glows and swirls in the darkness. He should really try to sleep, because he and Alluka are planning to leave for their next destination in only a few hours. And Killua knows that he needs to stop thinking like this, but every time he leaves for someplace new, there’s a bit of hope that he’ll run into Gon there. So far, it hasn’t happened, and the chances are that it _won’t_ happen. But it’s just a sliver of hope, anyway. It can’t do much harm.

Though Killua and Gon must still share some sort of mind-meld, as Killua’s phone starts to ring from across the room, then, and Killua knows from the first tone that Gon is the only person that can possibly be on the other end.

Once he’s carefully slid his hand out of Alluka’s, Killua pads across the thin hotel carpet and swipes his phone off of the countertop. Before he answers the call, though, he steps outside of the room and into the hotel corridor as to not disturb Alluka. He leans against his door after it swings shut. The permanent yellow lighting of the hallway makes Killua feel somewhat warmer, though that could just be due to the call that’s waiting to be answered.

“Hello?” he finally speaks, but it’s soft, and no one in the world will hear it except him and the person he knows is on the other end of the call.

“Killua!” Gon’s voice is cheery, and it fills Killua’s chest with something inexplicable. “I didn’t expect you to pick up! What time is it where you are?”

Killua blinks as he holds his phone away from his face for a moment to check the time. He considers lying about it, but knows that would do no good. “It’s four in the morning.”

“Why _did_ you pick up?” Gon inquires, then, but hardly leaves time for Killua to answer that before he’s throwing out another few questions. “Did I wake you up? Did I wake _Alluka_ up?”

Killua doesn’t suppress his amused chuckle. “No, you’re fine, Gon. What are you up to?”

Gon hums thoughtfully before he says: “I just wanted to hear your voice, Killua.”

“You—” Killua cuts himself off as a blush settles upon his cheeks. It hasn’t even been a _minute_. “Don’t be so honest,” he demands, pursing his lips and shoving his unused hand deeper into his pocket. He slides down the door, then, so that he sits with his back pressed against it.

Gon laughs, and it wipes Killua’s scowl right off of his face.

The line is quiet for a few moments, and it makes Killua happy to know that for right now, he and Gon, _only_ he and Gon share this specific silence. But that’s probably something dumb to be happy about.

Killua speaks up first. “You haven’t called in awhile.”

“Has it been long?” Gon questions in response, and Killua imagines him scratching at his temple as he tries to recall. “But _you_ haven’t called in awhile, either.”

 _Oh, right_ , Killua’s reminded. _This goes both ways_.

“I guess I haven’t,” he says, thumbing at a stray thread that sticks out of the cheap carpet.

“You know you can call whenever,” Gon says, and Killua really wishes he could see Gon’s face. Phone calls don’t quite manage to pick up every lilt in Gon’s voice or twinkle in his eye.

“I know,” Killua sighs, and then he lies, “I just forget.”

“Hm,” Gon hums, “I do too.”

The difference is that Gon’s probably telling the truth; he probably doesn’t think about Killua most nights before he falls asleep the same way Killua thinks about him. (It’s embarrassing to admit that, even if it’s just to himself.)

And Killua really wants to sneak in a mention about meeting up, but he has no excuse besides just _wanting_ to see Gon, which would be mortifying to admit. What mostly stops him, though, is that if Gon wanted to see Killua, he would ask himself. Killua’s sure he would. He’s blunt and straightforward, so there’s no reason that he would hold himself back.

“Killua,”—Killua’s ripped out of his thoughts at the mention of his name—“do you miss me?”

Killua swallows hard. “What?” he forces laughter to mask the fact he was caught of guard, “Don’t ask things like that, stupid.”

Gon is persistent, nonetheless. “But do you?”

“Of course I do,” he admits, but he’ll never say to what extent. “And you’d better miss me, too.”

“I do.” Gon doesn’t hesitate. “Spending so much time with Kite is great, but…” he trails off, as if he doesn’t know how to finish the statement.

“I know what you mean,” Killua assures, thinking of Alluka. Of course he doesn’t regret his decision to stay with her, but lots of the time he just wishes Alluka could be holding one of his hands and Gon, the other. Maybe that’s selfish of him, though. He doesn’t say anything.

“Is Alluka doing well?” Gon inquires in response, and Killua tilts his head back until it touches the door.

“She is,” he confirms. “Illumi hasn’t tried anything weird, at least.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

The two boys don’t speak for some while, but neither of them hang up. Killua doesn’t want to hang up, mostly because he doesn’t know how long he’ll have to wait until he’s in this situation again. There isn’t an analog clock around, but Killua swears he can hear ticks in the silence. Perhaps they come from Gon’s end.

Just as Gon begins to speak, the door behind Killua opens. Since he’d been off-guard and leaning on it, he almost falls backwards, but he catches himself and stands to face Alluka, who had opened the door.

“Onii-chan?” she asks blearily, “What are you doing?”

Killua smiles softly at her, at the way she sleepily rubs at her eye with a loose fist. “I’m just on the phone,” he answers her, lifting a hand to pat her head. “You can go back to sleep; it’s just Gon.”

“Gon?” Alluka asks, perking up slightly and then makes grabby hands for the phone, which Killua holds with the speaker against his shoulder. He looks down at it, and then back to Alluka.

“You want to talk to him?”

Alluka nods, and Killua hands her the phone.

“Hi Gon, it’s Alluka!”

After her greeting, Alluka takes Killua by the hand and drags him back into the hotel room. Killua shuts the door behind them, and they sit together on the disheveled blankets of the bed. Alluka hums and makes other various noises of agreement as Gon speaks with her.

“You know, onii-chan misses you a lot,” Alluka states with a frown after a brief pause, and Killua stares at her with wide eyes.

“Alluka!” he scolds, but she continues anyway.

“Some days are worse than others,” she tells Gon, “but he misses you a lot of the time. Shouldn’t you come and see him? I don’t like him being sad.”

Killua blinks at her, jaw lack, as she holds the phone back out for him. “Gon wants to talk to you again,” she says.

Killua takes the phone from Alluka's grasp, and she looks gleefully at him.

“Sorry—” Killua starts, but Gon cuts him off.

“You’re sad?” he asks, and there’s no doubt his mouth pulls into a thin frown.

Killua can’t do anything but stutter in response; he can practically hear the frown over the line.

“You should have told me sooner,” Gon says, but he doesn’t sound disappointed. If only Killua could see his face, he would be able to tell what Gon was thinking immediately.

“I—It’s not bad,” Killua forces, “I’m fine, really.”

Gon stays quiet, and it’s impossible to read.

“You don’t need to worry. Emails and calls are fine.” It pains Killua to say so, but he doesn’t want to cause anything unnecessary or make Gon do anything he doesn’t want to do.

“Killua…” Gon trails.

“Gon,” Killua says back assertively, “I’m fine.”

“No, _Killua_ ,” Gon starts again, “I’m sad, too.”

Killua stays quiet this time. _He’s—_?

“I didn’t want to say anything, in case you were having a lot of fun with Alluka and didn’t want me there,” Gon admits, and Killua imagines him scratching at the back of his neck, a minuscule embarrassed grin sitting upon his lips. (He wishes he didn’t have to just _imagine_ this.) “But it’s been too long, hasn’t it? Since we’ve last seen each other?”

“It has,” Killua agrees, breathy. Alluka crawls back underneath the covers, apparently satisfied with her work.

“I can tell Kite tomorrow—”

“We’re headed to Yorkshin in the morning—”

They both cut off after they realize they’re talking at the same time, and Gon lets out an amused laugh that twinkles through the phone line.

“Yorkshin it is,” Gon says, and Killua’s chest feels about ready to burst. “See you tomorrow?”

“I—Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow, Gon.”

**Author's Note:**

> all kudos / comments / bookmarks are really appreciated!! <3  
> it's also purposeful that i left the amount of time they've been apart ambiguous... however long you think these boys can last without each other until becoming Emotional... i feel like it's a very short amount of time, but take it as you will !!


End file.
